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Today is called "multiple feeling changing".

  What do you think about "Dream"? Is dream will affect your day? Do you believe you'll dream of what you'd did? Is dreaming is your stress relief way? Do you believe what happened in your dream is totally opposite of your life? What do you think about dream?

  You know what? I think dream is a Killer! It stab a knife in my back, while I pull out that knife, it stab me another knife, a sharper one. This morning I dreamed of death, I saw one of my friend die in an accident, who is really died in accident months ago. I don't know if I mistaken or not, I saw her last tear just before she dead. I cant pull her back! Why can't I?! I wish I could pulled her back before the devil finds out she's dead, lying under the enormous vehicle.

  I can feel my tears sliding down my face, it hurts so, so much. I opened my eyes, just realized I'm lying on my bed, I thought I'm sweating, but my face really covered by tears. I can't even wake myself up, it so painful. I fall asleep again. (What?!)

  How many sad dream supposed to pop out in a single day? Is it make sense if your dream giving you double Sad Attack and you ain't got any shield to defense? Next I'm dreamed of I'm singing (yeah, I'm singing, I know my singing sucks, but I'm really dreamed of I sang). A person in my dream told me, if you are a great singer, didn't means you know how to sing a song. 1st you need to know what's the song means, every song is a story, you need to understand every single sentences and word, 2nd you need to know how to tell the story, 3rd you need to sing with your heart, with your life. Then I start singing, I focus on the images of me and my friend who died in the accident, no matter is happy or sad, I'd just try to grab everything back. I started crying again, everyone who listening the song also started crying (I really got no idea what they cry for, is it too bad or too touching? But I kinda sad on the moment so I didn't really care much). I woke up the 2nd time, again my face is covered with tears.

  Arghhhhhhh! FUCK! I know you sure think that 2nd dream is kinda lame, can't make any fucking sense and totally ruin the mood.

  Suppose to stop on the previous phrase, but I think should continue it towards my whole day. Today planning is to go shopping and buy a shoe to replace my..... don't know what name should I called it (people called it Ham Choi, salty vege). The other plan is wanted to ask my ex-gf who working in the shopping complex to have a meal or chat or something la! (such a stupid idea, STUPID!!!)

  Walk...bus...walk...Yeah! reach shopping complex. Walk...see...walk...buy...walk...buy... At last, I bought a sweater, a pair of shoe, and a belt. Yes, is the time to go to ask her out, she said not free whole day, then I asked "how bout in these few days?" she said these few days also not free. I asked "like forever?" She said "I think I not free." WHOA!! want like this mer... then I say goodbye then walk towards the bus station. I like fuck it, my mood is so fucked up on that moment, then suddenly I saw 2 of my friend from high school. I never saw them since before I graduate, is like 4 years ago. This 2 girl really make my day, 3 of us like suddenly damn many things to talk about, actually I'm not really close to them last time but we stand at the spot where we met and chat for a solid hour, we are so exciting. After that, we had a dinner together, totally change of our plan, those girl suppose to shopping, I suppose to go home and cry, but, you know? I felt like god came down and give me this present, I've never had a wonderful conversation for like..... 2years already. It's like kinda relief. Because I live in a very hollow situation for more than 2 years, totally no taste. But, things changes.

  Today I realize friends is like the most glorious thing ever, even someone who not so close to you before, but they still lit up my world in this very fucked up moment. Sometimes people got in a relationship already, they kinda avoid or forget friends, don't do that! They are always with you, they also never leave, no matter where you are, what you did, who you kill, friends are always with us!!

Conclusion, actually if you are reading this, I insist that you no need to read whatever after I woke up. Is all nonsense. Actually I just wanted to talk about dream. Yeah, Idiot!
  • Listening to: Lala's singing in Million Star
  • Reading: Always......what I wrote
  • Watching: Million Star
  • Playing: Mouse
  • Eating: Brain
  • Drinking: Liquid with Oxygen
Today, 18-4-09, Saturday, around 7am to 7.15am. Is called "Release".

  These few weeks I've been bothered by something in my mind. I can't really sleep well, I can't really concentrate, I can't really eat, I can't really making jokes. The extreamly stress and pressure are pumped into my mind, my heart, my soul, and even my blood. The people around me are going so well and happily. Some are like chopstick, some are like new pillow, some are like Yo-yo. They're just sweet.

  I thought it was really hard for me to say the word. By the way, is really hard, maybe "the worst thing ever."(quote from JA) When I say it, I surprisingly feel nothing. From that moment, I felt maybe is something wrong there, maybe it never happened to me. Yeah, I think so. I think it never even touches my heart, maybe it just touches my mind. So that my mind is keep doing bad things to me.

  I really don't know exactly why is this thing happenning. I just feel release. All the stress and tired are all gone.(maybe not all) When I heard the sentences, I said in my mind "Yes! maybe this is the thing I really want" and it is good for everyone, I'm glad.

  "Always expecting the worst" is also another sentence I wanted to say beside "release". Yeah, I did expected something before I asked, with a really clear image. I discuss it before, if it really happen, just let go, YEAH! And the answer is exactly accurate with what I thought of. At least this time got a single thing in my mind is correct.

  Conclusion, life short, no extra time to let you think too much. Do everything that you wanted to do if you feel is correct. If you do it, make sure you never regret. If you don't do it, I'll make sure you regret. But when you do it, always expecting the worst. You never know.
  
  And today, 18-4-2009, Saturday, 8 in the morning. Is "The end and the beginning of my life."
  • Listening to: sound which come out from the fan
  • Reading: What I wrote
  • Watching: Images of what I gonna do at basketball court
  • Playing: Mouse
  • Eating: Oxygen
  • Drinking: Liquid with Oxygen
7pm in the evening just now, I came back from basketball court with my exhausted body and soul. Nobody in house at that time, and the dining table also empty. I decide to call my auntie.

I ask her "Are you guys dining outside?"
She said "Yes."
And I ask her "Can you help me buy some food?"
She answered "Yes, of course, do you want Hokkien Mee?"
I answered "Yes, of course, and thanks."
(End of conversation)

Half an hour later.
My smart studying, straight As in almost every exam, top student, a future doctor, cousin ran inside towards my room's door and knocked hardly to my door. I havent prepare to said "come in", then she opened my door and scold loudly
"NEXT TIME IF YOU WANTED TO EAT, GO AND BUY YOURSELF, DON'T CALL MY MUM AND TO BUY FOR YOU ANYMORE"
and she closed the door hardly.

I try not to get angry yet and I closed my eye and think for few seconds. I opened my door and calmly ask my cousin to stop for awhile (she trying to get upstair).
She asked "WHAT?!!" (she look like wanna throw some curse word to me)
I asked "What exactly happened just now?"
And my auntie who just came in from the amin door answered me "Just now the chef was too slow, suppose the food that we buy for you should come to us 1st, but the chef give it to others, and we waited very long, uncle and cousin start to get frustrated."
I said "oh, ok. Then why your daugther scold me for?"
Auntie said "You know their temper one lar... no passion... and also the stress of coming examination."
I said "Just like this? oh, ok, thanks for buy me the food."

And I bring the "Fucking Mee" into my room and start eating. After finish it, I start to type this Journal.

If you are my cousin or my uncle, what will you do when you are waiting too long for the food and the chef didn't did his job correctly?

I will said I definitely wont wait for the food anymore and get back home, and I will call the one who waiting in the house to go buy himself. Whats the big problem for them to just leave the restaurant and call me to gau dim myself? I really don't mind that.
And there are plenty of solution and just blame me at all? I really don't understand. Even a small kid also can figured it out. I really don't know what else in their mind beside studying their god damn text book.

Conclusion, brilliant exam result not means your EQ is high and not means you know how to think smart.
But, lousy result not means your EQ is low and not means you have a stupid mind set.
  • Listening to: Taiwan rock band - Yuming&Jane
  • Reading: What I wrote
  • Watching: images of the conversation wif my cousin in mind
  • Playing: Chopstick
  • Eating: Hokkien mee
  • Drinking: Plain water